Good afternoon my dear friends,
Time for an update since Monday starts round 2 of chemo. To catch you up, the first week of chemo for me was like the lost week. Most of it was a blur, with much of it feeling surreal. The second week, praise the Lord, has been much better and I am learning what works and doesn’t work to help me. Of course, this can change on a dime too. I can begin a glass of water with it tasting fine, and half way through, it begins to get more and more bitter. They warned me that my hormones could get messed up which is quite a shock at 70 🙂 I feel like I am in my first trimester of pregnancy trying to figure out what I think sounds good to eat.
Al has been a jewel as he has become my primary nurse. He never complains and is ready to do whatever it takes to get me over the goal line. One could never have a more selfless teammate in the game. He reminds me of a linemen on the football team who sacrifices his body to give his running back a lane to run through. The only time his name is called is when he is penalized! I love those guys! They keep at it!
Christmas Eve and Christmas Day our family kept everything as normal as ever as we went between our daughter’s house and ours. I was not in tip top shape, but God gave me the strength to enjoy and savor every last second with all of them. Everyone got their picture made with me while I still have hair (I insisted :). I think we all hugged a little longer and lingered together in conversation as all that matters was in clear focus before us. It was a treasure. For this, I praise the sweetness of Jesus.
Today is Saturday, the 28th of December, and as I am writing this it is my birthday. I have always hated having a birthday at Christmas as it seems so anticlimatic. Who cares? Everyone pushes through and acts like they can’t wait to see me again. So we will gather here for lunch which I picked out…chicken pot pie and jello! What a combination! They are lucky we are not having dill pickles for cake!
This birthday is especially notable….I turn 70. 70 is not 50 or 60. It is 70! It changes your perspective on so many things. For example, Al and I just built a new home 2 years ago, and I had to convince the roofer then that I was not interested in a 30 year guarantee. I said it would probably be 15 years at best before I moved into a senior living facility. Actually, it was somewhat freeing to realize that I was not so entangled with my earthly things.
This brings me to my point. As I begin the next round of chemo, I realize everyone will have an opinion of what I should do, or think, or where I should go for more help, etc. Usually I am so flexible and yield easily to anyone’s good opinion. I have found through this experience that I do have a voice. The voice I believe God is leading me to follow….His (and of course Al’s). My heart is surrendered to allow God to help me embrace what He has for me in this next stage of life no matter what. One thing I know, I want to be near my family and loved ones as much as possible. I do not want to run around wearing myself out in order to get more years, only to realize I flittered away the ones I had left. As strength allows, I want to be there for my grandchildren’s programs and athletics. To that end, I want to diligently seek strength and energy for this.
Mental and spiritual strength also are necessary for this journey. They need to be equally nourished. Many of you have already been nourishing me as you have sent me the kindest words of love and hope. And I also know there are many of you who are “praying without ceasing” for me. You are my linemen; the unsung heros who make a way for me to run. Do not underestimate your value!!
The verse in Hebrews that God gave me before the journey began was in Hebrews 12:2 where I had been teaching the months before. It says, “Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him, endured the suffering, despising the shame, etc.” . The final section of Hebrews 12:2 says, “For the joy that was set before Him.”
What was that? When Jesus quit looking at the pain and suffering that was going to come at the cross, He faced it by looking at what God was going to accomplish through His pain and suffering. What was that? He would be able to bring all of us, who by faith would accept His offer, into heaven to be with Him forever. What should my focus be ? To point others to that way he has made for us to spend eternity with him through his defeat of sin and death at the cross. The joy will be to celebrate him for all of eternity.
Clearly the hardest part of this journey for me is going to be the pain and suffering since I am wimp! So many of you have asked for specific prayer requests, so here are a few: that my bloodwork on Monday shows improvement, that the nausea eases so I can eat and stay hydrated, that the chemo starts working against the cancer and that God gives us wisdom for each step along the way. Thank you for walking this road with me. Your prayers and love mean everything.
With gratitude,
Nancy